A man in a new car, pulled up next to a little girl walking home from school and said "If you get in, I'll give you a lollypop." The girl kept walking.

Following along slowly, the man said "Come on and get in the car with me and I'll give you two lollypops." She kept her eyes on the sidewalk and continued on her way.

The man said "Get in with me and I'll give you this whole bag of lollypops!" Finally, the girl turned around and said "Look Daddy, YOU bought the Ford, YOU ride in it!!!"

One night a teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents, and they were appalled by his appearance: leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos and pierced nose.

Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. "Dear," said the mother diplomatically, "he doesn't seem very nice."

"Oh please, Mom," replied the daughter, "if he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?"

Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his boots?

He asked for help and she could see why. With her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn't want to go on. When the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost whimpered when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet." She looked and sure enough, they were.

It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the right feet. He then announced, "These aren't my boots."

She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream,"Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to.

Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off. He then said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear them."

She didn't know if she should laugh or cry. She mustered up the grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again. She said, "Now, where are your mittens?"

He said, "I stuffed them in the toes of my boots..."

Her trial starts next month.

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's numbing cream during root canal work?


He wanted to transcend dental medication!

A mother mouse and a baby mouse are walking along, when all of a
sudden, a cat attacks them.

The mother mouse goes, "BARK!" and the cat runs away.

"See?" says the mother mouse to her baby. "Now do you see why it's
important to learn a foreign language?"

"You know what.. i lost my credit card 3 days ago"

"So why are you so happy?'

"Coz that guy is spending way less than my wife!!!"

SORY I Have no joke to post !!!!!!!but i appreciate reading ur jokes!!!

I don't have a joke but this site seems to be a joke making you go through all this stuff just to get into the members area thats a joke if you ask me

Okay...a horse walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender draws him a draft and asks...hey buddy...why the long face?

ha!

What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef Jerky.

There...this is my 20th post. I hope the joke is not on me and that this site is not what I was told it was. Wish me luck.

A man get a knock on his door late at night, and it is a police officer, the man says is everything ok? the police officer replys with i was sent here on a noise complaint.... the man appologizes... telling the officer how he was playing his online mmorpg World of Warcraft... the officer replyed with i play too what do you play the man returns with im a human paly so the officer whips out his tazer and yells ya wel IM A SHAMAN.... and as he tazers the man he yells ..... FROST SHOCK...

lawl wow humor its better when told in person